I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
