Where is the hickey?
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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