She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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