can u get pink eye on your cock?
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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