Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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