thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
