I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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