Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I just googled if crying burns calories
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
