I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
