There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
