I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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