you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
