i don't like sucking hair
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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