A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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