i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
