I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Randomize
