will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.