i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
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I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
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After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again