We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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