This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
