exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.