I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
