I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.