I'm really into asian looking animals
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
