end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
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