He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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