i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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