Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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