Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
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