He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
