The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
