My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Nicole vs. Life
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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