I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
