Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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