My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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