I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
