I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
