This dress was meant to end up on your floor
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
