Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
