Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
