With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
