i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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