oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
