In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
