Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
