I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Randomize
