My room smells like vodka and shame
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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