you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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