When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
