We're like a lot better than the average bears
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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