why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
