in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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