I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
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i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
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THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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