the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
