hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
