Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
