i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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