My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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