do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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