If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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