Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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