Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
