You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
His hands were made for my vagina.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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