this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
