I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
