She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Randomize
