I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
