wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
