you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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