What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
