apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
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